I hope that there are a number of such groups within Avera, groups where people gather on a regular basis, perhaps once a month, and share around a topic in such a way that everyone is comfortable, no one dominates, no one lectures, and each person walks away feeling nourished by the richness of their time together.
In describing the above, three such groups come to mind. All of them, interestingly, involve physicians. One group meets at McGreevy Clinic in Sioux Falls , another at Avera Sacred Heart in Yankton and a third in Watertown . In each instance the group’s acknowledged leader is a physician and the others around the table are physicians, too (or, as in Yankton, are people who work closely with physicians, i.e., nurses and chaplains). All of these groups have been meeting eight or nine months a year, for eight or nine years, and many of the current members have been present from the beginning. These gatherings are some of my most valued moments each month.
***
Years ago, when pursuing a graduate degree in sociology, I remember reading that 39 was the age (on average) when people begin to transition from the first half to the second half of their adult years. The first half, it was said, is usually marked by external activity. Typically it involves getting through college and earning a degree; growing in the ability to share intimacy and discovering a life partner; getting jobs that begin to build a career; establishing a home; and having and raising children. In sum, the focus is primarily on establishing one’s place in the world.
The point was made that in this first half of adult life, people often seem to give little time to or show much appreciation for what is interior. Instead, their attention seems to be on getting established, developing a reputation, connecting with the right people, and moving ahead. Quantity and appearances get more attention than quality and interiority.
But something often happens after one spends a number of years on the aforementioned tasks. Not infrequently, people begin to turn inward and assess their lives, asking “Now that I have what I have, am I happy? Is the work I am doing what I want to do for the next couple of decades of my life? Are my relationships what I had hoped they would be? Am I contributing to society what I said I would?”
For some people, such taking stock leads to significant change – in career, lifestyle, religious belief or practice. In other cases the change might not be as dramatic, but it can make a decided difference – walking away from risky hobbies; building friendships based less on opportunity and more on integrity and genuine regard; giving less time to the world of sports and more to history or literature; spending less time in pursuit of career and more time on family.
***
It strikes me that most of the people who gather in the groups I described above are people who, whether or not they have crossed the theoretical boundary of 39, appreciate the importance of the internal. They value the knowledge that comes to them through self-reflection. They savor listening to colleagues whom they respect as the latter talk about their experiences, learnings and human dilemmas. They understand that many life riches can only be discovered below the surface.
Over time people in these groups have talked about their training in medical school and residency, as well as memorable mentors during those years; about their beliefs and their prayer; about particular patients and patient encounters; about uncertainties, difficult decisions and experiences around death. Most have said in so many words, “I know the importance of the objective and scientific, of what can be measured or quantified, but I’ve also learned that there is more to medicine and life, and for me, this is one way, with colleagues I can trust, that I can think and talk about that other dimension.”
My prayer is that more such groups will come to life within Avera.