Avera McKennan Class Introduces New Dads to Baby Care

SIOUX FALLS, S.D. (July 2007) - Decades ago, new dads were relegated to the hospital waiting room as their children were born, and to the sidelines when the newborn arrived home. After all, men tend to be "clumsy" around babies, according to the 1946 book written by famous pediatrician Dr. Benjamin Spock.

Times have changed, however, and even Dr. Spock changed his mind as later editions of his book were published. Yet deeply ingrained beliefs sometimes die hard. New moms especially, and even new dads, tend to have the mindset that caring for baby is "Mom's job," and Dad is a babysitter at best, said Deb Vigness, RN and educator at Avera McKennan Hospital & University Health Center, who teaches a class at Avera McKennan for new dads.

Because parenting is a learned skill - not an innate ability - dads can do it too, Vigness said. Changing diapers, dressing and calming a crying baby all are things men can do and do quite well, with a little training and confidence. Gary Weisbrich of Harrisburg signed up for the "Dad and Baby" class because he knew, having a wife who works part-time as a nurse, that he'd be on regular "dad duty."

Since his daughter, Maria, was born Feb. 22, not only has Weisbrich handled the crying, feeding and changing, "it's been a joy - more than I ever expected," he said. "First and foremost, I learned it's OK to do things differently than my wife." Angela Weisbrich says her husband's ways of caring for Maria might be different, but good. "I feel much more comfortable having Gary care for her than someone else."

"A dad's influence is so important," Vigness said. By getting involved in child care from the start, dads can form important bonds with their child, and at the same time help their sleep-deprived partners. "Maria knows her dad," Angela Weisbrich said. "I like watching them together."

"Children need both of their parents," Vigness said. Mom, as the nurturer, is more likely to read a book to the baby; Dad is more likely to "play horsey" and develop critical motor skills. While Mom will choose an adorable matching outfit, Dad is OK with the baby wearing a sleeper all day.
When baby is crying, Mom is apt to rush right in. Dad, on the other hand, will wait, perhaps finish up what he's doing, and then go to see what's wrong.  Neither approach is right or wrong, and both approaches develop important life skills for the baby, Vigness said. "There are important things that both parents bring to the mix. Just because Dad is doing things differently doesn't mean he's doing things wrong."

So what DO you do when the baby cries? Vigness suggested these strategies:

Rock and sing to the baby in a rocking chair
Take a stroll in the baby carriage - indoors or out
Lay the baby on your knees and rub her back.
Go for a car ride.
Whisper or sing softly close to your baby's ear.
Hold the baby over your shoulder with your shoulder pressing into her tummy.
Lay the baby in her crib and let her cry, especially if you're out of patience.
Try everything on your list again. What didn't work earlier might work now.

While Dad may definitely feel like the third wheel when it comes to breastfeeding, he can still play an active role, Vigness said. He can get up at night when the baby cries and bring her to Mom. He can rub the baby's feet to keep her awake; he can change her and put her back down when the feeding is finished. Being a great dad is a matter of commitment, confidence and most importantly, love. "As long as you love your child, you won't do anything to harm him or her," Vigness said.